Online Dating Dos and Don’ts

Online dating has become one of the most widespread forms of meeting new people and seeing possible matches. A recent survey found that 30% of U.S. grown-ups have employed a courting site or app, and 12% have matched or been in a devoted connection with somebody they encountered online.

But online dating has its challenges. From creating a profile that stands out, filtering through hundreds of matches, and dealing with scammers, ghosts, and catfishers, online dating can be a stressful and frustrating experience.

I have created this guide to help you navigate the online dating world. Whether you are new to online dating or a seasoned pro, you will find some tips and tricks to avoid the pitfalls and enjoy the perks of finding love online.

What dating site or app is right for you?

Finding the right dating platform is essential for online dating success. There is a wide variety of options available to suit everyone’s taste. Some of the factors you should consider when choosing a dating platform are the following:

• Purpose. What are you looking for in online dating? Are you looking for something casual or a serious relationship? Different sites and apps have different reputations, so select one that matches your purpose. For example, if you’re looking for a long-term partner, you might avoid apps known for casual flings, such as Tinder or Bumble. Instead, try apps more focused on compatibility and relationship-building, such as eHarmony or Hinge.
• Preferences. What are your choices regarding age, gender, location, ethnicity, religion, education, lifestyle, etc.? Some sites and apps allow you to filter your matches based on these criteria, while others are more open and diverse. For instance, if you’re looking for someone who shares your faith, try a niche site that caters to your specific religion, such as Christian Mingle or JDate. If you’re open to meeting anyone who interests you, try a more general site with a large and varied user base, such as Match or OkCupid.
• Budget: How much will you spend on online dating? Some sites and apps are free to use, while others require a subscription fee or offer premium features for an extra cost. Free websites and apps may have more users and many options, but they may also have more ads, spam, and fake profiles. Paid sites and apps may have more quality control and security measures but fewer users and less flexibility. Assess the advantages and challenges of each option and decide what works best for your budget and expectations.

How to manage a dating profile?

Once you’ve chosen a dating site or app that suits your needs, the next step is creating a profile that showcases your personality and attracts your ideal match. Your profile is your first impression on potential dates, so be honest, positive, and engaging. Below are some tips on how to create a great profile:

• Choose a clear and recent photo of yourself. Your profile photo is the first thing people see, so make sure it’s clear and the latest. Avoid using filters, selfies, group photos, or photos that hide your face or body. Instead, use a photo that shows your face clearly and reflects your current appearance. Smile and look friendly and approachable. You can also use additional photos that show different aspects of your life, such as your hobbies, interests, pets, etc.
• Write a catchy and concise headline. Your headline is the second thing people see, so make sure it’s catchy and brief. It should summarize who you are and what you are looking for in a few words. Avoid using clichés, generic statements, or negative expressions. Instead, use humor, creativity, or curiosity to kindle an interest. Below are some examples;

Headline:

❌: Looking for love.

✅: Looking for someone who loves pizza as much as I do!

❌: Just checking this out.

✅: Ready for an adventure!

❌: No games, please!

✅: Looking for someone who can keep up with me!

• Write a detailed and compelling bio. Your bio is the third thing people see matches, so make sure it is precise and fascinating. It should tell a story about who you are, what you are passionate about, and what you are looking for in a partner. Avoid using lists, bullet points, or vague statements. Instead, use anecdotes, examples, or details to show your personality and values.

Bio:

❌: I’m affectionate and fun to be with, and I like to travel, read, and watch movies. I’m looking for someone honest, loyal, and kind.

✅: I’m a fun-loving person who likes to explore new places and cultures. Last year, I backpacked across Europe and visited eight countries in 3 months. It was an astonishing experience that taught me plenty about myself and the world. I also love to read and watch movies, like action and comedy. I’m searching for someone honest, loyal, kind, and who shares my sense of adventure and curiosity.

• Be honest and positive. Being truthful and upbeat will help you connect with potential dates. Never lie or exaggerate about your age, height, weight, job, income, or anything else that could affect your compatibility with someone. Lying will only backfire when you meet in person and lose trust and respect. Also, don’t be negative or complain about your past relationships, current situation, or expectations. Negativity will only turn off potential dates and make you seem bitter and unhappy. Instead, be optimistic about yourself and your future. Highlight your strengths and what you have to offer.

Once you have created a profile that attracts your ideal match, it is time to start communicating effectively. Communication is essential to online dating success, as it helps you build rapport, trust, and interest with someone before meeting in person. Some tips on how to communicate effectively with your potential dates are the following;

• Send a personalized message. When you encounter someone who captures your eye, don’t just send a generic message like “Hi” or “How are you?”. These messages are boring and unlikely to get a response. Instead, send a personalized message showing you have read their profile and are interested in them. Comment on something specific that stood out to you in their profile, such as their photo, headline, bio, or interests. Ask a question that invites them to share more about themselves or their opinions. For example,

Message:

❌: Hi

✅: Hi there, I noticed your photo with the Eiffel Tower in the background. That’s awesome! When did you visit Paris? What did you like the most about it?

❌: How are you?

✅: How are you doing today? I see that you’re a fan of Harry Potter. Me too! Which book is your favorite? Who is your favorite character?

• Keep the conversation light and fun. When communicating with someone online, keep the conversation light and fun. Never get too serious or personal too soon, as this could scare your potential candidate off or make them uncomfortable. Instead, keep the conversation casual and playful and focus on getting to know each other better. Use humor, emojis, gifs, or memes to add spice and personality to your messages. Stick to topics that are light and positive. Instead, talk about positive, interesting, or fun, such as hobbies, travel, entertainment, dreams, or goals.
• Ask them out quickly (if you are a man). One common pitfall of online dating is waiting too long to ask someone out or agree to meet in person. While it is significant to establish some connection and trust online before meeting in person, it is also essential to avoid dragging the conversation on for too long without taking the next step. If you wait too long, you may lose momentum, interest, or chemistry with someone who could be a match for you. You may also risk creating unrealistic expectations or fantasies about them that may not match reality when you meet in person.

When is the right time to ask someone out? There is no standard answer to this question, as it depends on your comfort level, availability, compatibility, etc. However, a general rule of thumb is to ask someone out after exchanging a few messages (around 5-10) over a few days (around 3-7). This way, you can avoid wasting time on someone who is not a good match for you.

When you are ready to ask someone out or accept an invitation from someone else, be confident and direct. Refrain from beating around the bush or playing games with them. Instead, express your interest and enthusiasm and suggest a specific time, place, and activity for your date. For example,

Invitation and Acceptance to Date:

❌: So, do you want to hang out sometime?

✅: I enjoy talking to you. I would love to meet you in person. How about we grab a coffee at Starbucks on Saturday at 2 p.m.?

❌: Sure, maybe we can meet someday.

✅: Sure, I’d love to meet you. How about we jog at the park on Sunday at 10 a.m.?

• Don’t ghost or breadcrumb them. One of the worst things you can do in online dating is to ghost or breadcrumb someone. Ghosting is when you stop responding to someone’s messages or calls without any explanation or closure. Breadcrumbing is when you keep sending someone sporadic or vague messages without intending to meet or move the relationship forward. Both behaviors are rude, disrespectful, and hurtful to the other person and reflect poorly on your character and integrity.

Don’t ghost or breadcrumb them if you are uninterested in someone or have changed your mind about meeting them. Instead, be honest and polite and say you are no longer interested or available. You don’t have to give a detailed reason or apology, but you should at least acknowledge their feelings and wish them well.

Declining an invitation:

❌: (no response)

✅:: Hey! I’m sorry, but I don’t think we’re a good match. You seem nice, but I don’t feel a connection with you. I wish you all the best in your search.

❌: Hey, sorry I’ve been busy. Maybe we can talk later.

✅: Hey! I’m sorry, but I don’t think I’m ready to date. You seem like a great person, but I have some personal issues. I hope you understand and find someone who can make you happy.

How to be safe and secure online

Online dating can be fun and exciting, but it can be risky if you are not careful. Be cautious when interacting with people online, as you can only sometimes be sure who they are and their intentions. Be safe and mindful when dating online. Below are some pointers on how to do that;

• Use a reputable dating site or app. Some dating sites and apps are better than others. Some are more trustworthy and secure than others. Before you put yourself on the online dating scene, research and read reviews about its features, such as verification, moderation, encryption, reporting, blocking, etc., that can assist you in avoiding scams, fraud, and harassment. Also, carefully read the terms of service and privacy policy of the site or app, and make sure you understand what information they collect from you and how they use it.
• Use a different email address and phone number. When you sign up for a dating site or app, use a different email address and phone number than your personal or work ones. Taking these precautions can help you protect your privacy and security online. Use a free or temporary email service to sign up for dating sites and apps without having to share your email address. You can also use a free phone service such as Google Voice or TextNow or a burner phone app such as Burner or Hushed.
• Keep your personal information private. When you create your profile and communicate with potential dates online, don’t share too much personal information that could compromise your safety or privacy. Avoid sharing details such as your full name, address, workplace, social media accounts, financial information, etc. Also, don’t share photos or videos that show your face clearly or reveal your location or belongings. You never know who might see them or use them against you.
• Do some background checks. Before you meet someone in person, do some background checks on them to verify their identity and credibility. You can use search engines to look up their name, email addresses, phone numbers, photos, etc. Use Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, LinkedIn, or other social media platforms to check their profiles and activities.
• Meet in a public place. When you’re ready to meet someone in person for the first time, choose a public place that is familiar and safe for you. Meet in public where there are other people around. Also, meet during the day or in a well-lit area. Importantly, choose a place that is busy and has a lot of people around.

• Tell someone you trust. Let a friend or a family member know where you are going and your date. As much as possible, tell them your date’s name, contact information, and a description and how long you expect to be gone. Ask them to call or text you at a specific time to check on you or to give you an excuse to leave if the date is not going well.
• Trust your instincts. Trust your instincts and intuition when you are dating online or in person. If something feels off or wrong about someone or a situation, don’t ignore it or rationalize it. Listen to your gut and act accordingly. If you feel uncomfortable, uneasy, or unsafe with someone, don’t hesitate to end the conversation or the date and leave. If you feel threatened, harassed, or assaulted by someone, don’t hesitate to report them to the site or app and the authorities.

How to transition from online to in-person dating?

After communicating and connecting with someone online for a while, you should take the next step and meet them in person. It can be an exciting and nerve-wracking moment, as it can make or break your relationship potential. Below are some tips on how to transition from online dating to in-person dating:

• Be realistic and flexible. When transitioning from online to in-person dating, be logical and flexible about your expectations and plans. Don’t expect the person to be the same as online, as there may be differences in appearance, personality, behavior, etc. Never expect the date to go perfectly smoothly, as there may be some awkwardness, silence, or mishaps. Be open-minded and adaptable to the situation and the person, and don’t let minor issues ruin your experience.
• Be yourself and have fun. Don’t try to impress or please the person by pretending to be someone you are not or by doing something you don’t like. Be honest and authentic about who you are and what you want. Don’t put too much pressure or stress on yourself or the date. Just relax and enjoy the moment. Focus on having a good time and getting to know the person better.
• Be respectful and attentive. Show interest and curiosity in what the other person says and does. Ask questions and listen actively. Give compliments and feedback. Express your feelings and opinions. Avoid distractions such as your phone, other people, or other things. When you’re meeting someone new, try to use positive body language. 
• Be transparent and honest. Don’t play games or send mixed signals. Never lead someone on or string them along. Don’t ghost or breadcrumb them after the date. Instead, communicate clearly and honestly about what you want and what you feel if you like them and want to see them again. If you don’t like them or don’t want to see them again, tell them that too (in a polite way). Be respectful of their feelings and wishes as well.

In this guide, I have covered some of the essential tips and tricks on dating online safely and successfully. I also covered some information on transitioning from online dating to in-person dating. Online dating is a convenient and effective way to meet new people and find potential partners in this fast-paced and technology-driven world. However, online dating also comes with challenges and risks that require some skills and strategies to overcome.

So what are you waiting for? Start your online dating journey today and enjoy the perks of finding love online! If you have any questions or comments, feel free to leave them below. Thanks for reading, and I’ll see you at the next one!