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How to cope with selfish friends?

How do you deal with selfish friends? We all have friends who can be selfish sometimes. They may only sometimes share, listen, help, or appreciate us. Some of them may only think about themselves and their own needs. At the same time, others may take more than they give in a friendship.

But what if you have a friend who is selfish all the time? A friend who never considers your feelings, opinions, or wishes? Also, a friend who always expects you to do things for them but never does anything for you? Someone who puts you down, ignores, or uses you?

That’s not a real friend. Indeed, that’s a selfish friend. And they can be very frustrating, hurtful, and exhausting. So, how do you deal with them?

Coping Strategies

Accept them as they are. Don’t try to change or nag them; you can only control your schedule and actions. For example, if your friend is always late, don’t expect them to be on time. Then, accept that they are not punctual, and that’s how they are.

Two mismatched puzzle pieces representing acceptance of differences in friendships. — Accepting friends as they are, even when they don’t fit perfectly.

Don’t take it personally. If your friend is always rude, don’t let their rudeness hurt your feelings. Their rudeness is not about you. It’s about them and their problems. Importantly, don’t let them make you feel angry or sad.
Expect a little from them. For instance, if your friend is always busy, expect them to be elsewhere for you. They will need to find a way to give you their time or attention. They will only make you feel lonely or neglected.
Don’t enable them. If your friend is always broke, don’t lend them money or pay for their expenses. They won’t be able to pay you back or appreciate your generosity. Indeed, they will only make you feel used or exploited. Instead, help them grow as much as possible.
Limit your contact with them. If your friend is always negative, hang out with them infrequently or for a long. They won’t be able to lift your mood or inspire you, as they will only make you feel depressed or pessimistic.

Person enjoying solitude inside while a friend waves from outside, symbolizing setting boundaries. — Sometimes, distance can bring clarity to selfish friendships.

Communicating Strategies

Be honest with them. Tell them how you feel and what you think about their behavior. Express your needs, wants, and boundaries clearly and firmly. Don’t sugarcoat or beat around the bush. For example, if your friend is always selfish, tell them how you feel and what you think about their behavior. Express your needs, wants, and boundaries clearly and firmly. Don’t lie or hide your emotions. Be direct and assertive.

Two friends having an honest discussion at a coffee table. — Honest conversations can mend strained friendships.

Give them feedback. Inform them of the consequences of their actions on you and others. Show them how their selfishness affects their friendship and the people around them. Give them examples of specific situations where they were selfish and how they made you feel. For instance, if your friend is always needy, point out the consequences of their actions on you and others. Show them how their neediness affects their friendship and the people around them. Give them examples of specific situations where they were needy and how it made you feel.
Ask them questions. Try to understand why they are selfish and what motivates them. Ask them open-ended questions that make them reflect on their behavior and feelings. Specifically, if your friend is always controlling, try to understand why. Ask them open-ended questions that make them reflect on their behavior and emotions. For example: “Why do you always tell me what to do?”, “How do you think I feel when you try to control me?” “What do you hope to gain from controlling me?”
Suggest solutions. Offer them suggestions on how they can improve their behavior and attitude. Give them tips on how to be more considerate, generous, helpful, or appreciative. Say, “Maybe you could try sharing more,” “Maybe you could listen more,” “Maybe you could help more,” “Maybe you could say thank you more,” etc. Another example is if your friend is dishonest, offer suggestions on improving their behavior and attitude. Give them tips on how to be more honest, trustworthy, reliable, or accountable. For example: “Maybe you could try telling the truth more,” “Maybe you could keep your promises more,” “Maybe you could admit your mistakes more,” and “Maybe you could apologize for more.”
Praise them when they are not selfish. Reinforce their positive behavior and attitude when showing signs of being less selfish or more caring. Give them compliments, encouragement, or appreciation when they do something kind or thoughtful for you or others. For example: “That was very generous of you,” “That was very caring of you,” and “That was very helpful of you.”

One friend giving flowers to another, symbolizing appreciation for selfless acts. — Praise selfless actions to encourage positive change.

Dealing with selfish people

In short, remember that you deserve friends who respect and treat you well. Also, you can deal with selfish friends by accepting them as they are, not taking them personally, not expecting too much, not enabling them, and limiting your contact with them.

Moreover, you can also communicate with selfish friends by being honest, giving feedback, asking questions, suggesting solutions, and praising them when they are not misbehaving. Lastly, you can have healthy, fulfilling, and lasting friendships by being honest, supportive, and respectful. You are awesome!

I hope this article has inspired you. If you did, please comment below and share it with your friends. And remember to check out our other articles. Thanks for reading, and I’ll see you in the next one.