Look, healthy boundaries are really about taking care of yourself. They’re about ensuring you’re not constantly giving away pieces of yourself until nothing is left. We all do it. We say ‘yes’ when we should say ‘no,’ and we feel drained. That’s where boundaries come in. They’re like your personal space, you must define it to feel comfortable and safe.

Now, I know that setting boundaries can feel tricky. You might worry about upsetting someone or be unsure where to start. But trust me, learning this is one of the best things you can do for yourself. We need boundaries everywhere: at work, with family, and in our friendships.

Today, let’s discuss how to set them. You will learn the simple steps, how to communicate your needs and learn examples to help you along the way.

Benefits of Setting Boundaries

Okay, so why go through all the trouble of setting boundaries anyway? The benefits are enormous. When you start putting those healthy boundaries in place, you give yourself a gift of:

• Less Stress, More Peace. First, you’ll feel a whole lot less stressed and anxious. When you’re not constantly dealing with situations that make you uncomfortable or overwhelmed, you can finally breathe a little easier.
• A Boost of Confidence. You know that feeling of pride when you stick up for yourself? That’s what happens when you honor your values and needs. Setting boundaries builds your self-esteem and makes you feel more confident.
• Better, Stronger Relationships. Healthy boundaries improve relationships! When you and the people around you respect each other’s limits, it creates a foundation of mutual trust.
• No More Resentment. Holding in your feelings? That leads to resentment and anger, trust me. When you express your feelings and opinions openly, thanks to your boundaries, those negative emotions don’t have a chance to build up.
• Focus and Get Things Done. You can focus when you’re clear on your goals and priorities, and you’re not constantly being pulled in a million different directions! This leads to increased productivity and creativity, which is a win-win.

How Do You Set Healthy Boundaries?

Alright, so you’re ready to start setting some boundaries. Great! It’s about caring for yourself and putting your needs on the map. And here’s a key thing- setting boundaries isn’t about being bossy or demanding. It’s about asking for what you need and expecting people to listen.

1. First, be clear and direct. Don’t beat around the bush. You don’t need to raise your voice or get aggressive.  Just state your limits calmly and firmly. For instance, you could say, ‘I appreciate you asking, but I can’t work overtime this week.’ Simple, right?
2. Next, explain (if you want to). Sometimes, it helps to give a quick reason for setting a boundary. You don’t have to justify yourself, but it can help others understand where you’re coming from. For example, you need some downtime after a long day at work.
3. Then, stay consistent. Consistency is your friend here. Stick to your boundaries! Don’t let people pressure you into changing your mind. If someone crosses a line, gently remind them of your boundary. If it keeps happening, you should take more decisive action. For example, ‘I mentioned I’d prefer no calls after 10. If it happens again, I’ll have to mute my phone.’
4. Finally, respect others’ boundaries. And remember, it goes both ways. Respect other people’s boundaries, too. Don’t assume everyone has the same limits as you. Always ask before touching someone’s stuff or entering their personal space. And if you accidentally cross a line, listen to their feedback and apologize. A simple, ‘Sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt. Can we chat later?’ can go a long way.

Examples of Healthy Boundaries

So, what do healthy boundaries look like in real life? Well, it’s not a one-size-fits-all thing. It depends on the situation, the people involved, and your comfort. But to give you a better idea, let’s look at some examples in different areas of life. Consider these starting points and adjust them to fit your needs.

Personal and Emotional Boundaries

Let’s talk about those personal and emotional boundaries. These are the ones that help you protect your own space, your feelings, and who you are. They are like your emotional shield, they keep you from getting pulled into other people’s drama or letting them dictate how you feel. Also, they give you the freedom to be yourself, honestly and respectfully. Below are some ways to set those personal and emotional boundaries:

1. Saying ‘No’ When You Mean- Turning down requests or invitations that don’t feel right is okay. You don’t owe anyone an explanation. Just a simple ‘no, thank you’ will do.
2. Asking for Help with Consideration and Awareness- Don’t hesitate to reach out when struggling. It’s not a sign of weakness; it’s a sign of self-awareness. However, before asking for help, take a moment to consider the other person’s state. Observe if they seem stressed, overwhelmed, or need support. Avoid adding to their burden. Instead of immediately unloading your issues, ask, ‘Hey, how are you doing today? Do you have a moment to chat?’ This way, you’re also respecting their potential need for space or support.
3. Choosing Who You Share With- Your personal information is precious. Share it only with people you genuinely trust.
4. Not Taking on Other People’s Emotions- You’re not responsible for how other people feel. You can be supportive, but you can’t fix their problems.
5. Setting Limits on Criticism and Abuse- You deserve to be treated with respect. Don’t tolerate anyone criticizing, insulting, or abusing you.
6. Steer clear of gossip and drama. They are toxic, so protect your energy by staying out of them.

Physical and Sexual Boundaries

These are super important for protecting your body and sense of safety. These are about making sure any physical contact or intimacy happens with explicit, enthusiastic consent and in a way that feels comfortable for everyone involved. But how do you set those physical and sexual boundaries?

1. Asking Before Touching- It’s always best to ask before touching or hugging someone. A simple, ‘Can I hug you?’ goes a long way.
2. Saying ‘No’ to Unwanted Advances- You can say ‘no’ to any physical or sexual contact you don’t want. Your ‘no’ is valid, and it should be respected.
3. Being Clear About Your Preferences- Talk openly about what you like and don’t like. Clear communication is key to a positive and respectful experience.
4. Prioritizing Safety and Health- If you’re sexually active, using protection and getting tested regularly is essential for your health and peace of mind.
5. Respecting Privacy-Everyone deserves privacy. Don’t pry into someone’s personal space or belongings without their permission.
6. No Forcing or Coercion- Never pressure or force anyone into any physical or sexual activity. Consent should always be freely given and enthusiastically.

Workplace and Professional Boundaries

Setting some good boundaries at work is super important for protecting your career, performance, and sanity. It’s all about balancing your job and your life outside of it. Below are some ways to set those workplace and professional boundaries:

1. Setting Realistic Deadlines and Expectations. Don’t be afraid to say ‘no’ to unrealistic demands. Setting a deadline is better than promising something you can’t deliver.
2. Negotiating Fair Compensation and Benefits. Know your worth! Don’t hesitate to negotiate for fair pay and benefits. It’s a professional conversation.
3. Keeping Personal Issues Out of Work (Mostly). We all have stuff going on, but try to keep personal problems from affecting your work. It’s about maintaining a professional environment.
4. Staying Ethical and Legal. This one’s a no-brainer. Never engage in unethical or illegal practices. Your integrity is non-negotiable.
5. Keeping Work Relationships Professional. Mixing work and romance can get messy. It’s usually best to keep your work relationships professional.
6. Taking Breaks and Vacations. Don’t burn out! Take your breaks and vacations. They’re there for a reason. You need time to recharge.

Material and Financial Boundaries

Next is about material and financial boundaries. These are about protecting what’s yours and ensuring you’re using your resources in a way that feels right. Remember, they are your economic and material safety net. They help you stay secure and generous without getting taken advantage of.

Some ways to set those material and financial boundaries are as follows:

1. Lending and Borrowing- If you lend or borrow money or items, ensure it’s necessary. And always, always set clear terms. Write them down if you need to! It helps avoid misunderstandings later.
2. Sticking to Your Budget- Don’t spend more than you can afford. Getting carried away is easy, but staying within your budget prevents stress later.
3. Saying ‘No’ to Pressure- Don’t let anyone pressure you into buying or donating something you don’t want or can’t afford. It’s your money, your choice.
4. Respecting Others’ Property- This one’s simple: don’t steal or damage other people’s stuff. Treat their belongings with the same respect you’d want for your own.
5. Avoiding Waste and Greed- Use your resources wisely. Don’t be wasteful or greedy. Find a balance between caring for yourself and being generous with others.

Time and Energy Boundaries

Time and energy boundaries are essential for maintaining sanity. They protect your schedule and energy levels so you don’t feel completely drained, helping you focus on what matters to you. But how do you set those time and energy boundaries?

1. Plan Your Day and Stick to It (Mostly!). A plan helps you stay on track and avoids that ‘what should I do now?‘ feeling. Of course, things come up, so a little flexibility is always good.
2. Saying ‘No’ to Distractions and Interruptions. Putting your phone on ‘do not disturb’ or closing your office door is okay. You need time to focus!
3. Delegating or Outsourcing When You Can. You don’t have to do everything yourself. If you can, ask for help or hire someone to take care of tasks you don’t have time for or don’t enjoy.
4. Focusing on One Thing at a Time. Multitasking might seem efficient, but it often leads to mistakes and burnout. Try focusing on one task at a time.
5. Avoiding Over-Committing and Overextending. Don’t say ‘yes’ to everything! Learn to prioritize and say ‘no’ to things that will stretch you too thin.
6. Letting Go of People-Pleasing and Perfectionism. You don’t have to please everyone or be perfect. Focus on doing your best, and that’s enough.

The bottom line is that boundaries are just about taking care of yourself, as we’ve discussed. They’re not about being mean or pushing people away; they’re more about making sure you’re looking after your well-being. And honestly, doing that makes everything else better, too: your relationships, work, everything!

We’ve gone over many ways to set those boundaries, which can feel tricky at first. It might feel weird to say ‘no’ or to ask for what you need. But trust me, it gets easier with practice. And the more you do it, the more you’ll realize its importance.
It’s about permitting yourself to put yourself first sometimes. And that’s okay. We all need that. So, try one small thing this week, just one little boundary. See how it feels. You might be surprised at how much better you feel.

And look, if you’re wondering where to go from here or if you have any questions, let’s talk about it. Drop a comment below! Voila! Until next time!

Additional References/ Further Readings:

How to set healthy boundaries & build positive relationships. 2020, October 1. PositivePsychology.com. https://positivepsychology.com/great-self-care-setting-healthy-boundaries/

Smith, M., & Segal, J. 2020, September. Personal boundaries: Types and how to set them. Psych Central. https://psychcentral.com/lib/what-are-personal-boundaries-how-do-i-get-some

9 Examples of setting boundaries. 2020, July 14. OpEx Managers. https://opexmanagers.com/examples-of-setting-boundaries/