The days are long, but the years are short. This familiar saying often echoes in the hearts of parents. While parents’ love for their children is a deep, unwavering constant, the daily realities of raising kids can sometimes feel like steering uncharted territory. Have you ever wondered if you’re “doing it right,” especially when faced with meltdowns over seemingly small things or bedtime battles that test everyone’s patience?

If those moments resonate, please know that you are far from alone. Feeling uncertain or even a little disconnected sometimes doesn’t make you a less loving parent. It simply means you’re human. The journey of raising kids isn’t about achieving some mythical state of perfect parenting. Instead, it’s about building strong connections, establishing healthy boundaries, and developing habits that foster well-being and growth for the entire family.

Drawing on observations of countless families and the principles of child development, here are seven honest, psychologically grounded strategies to help you steer the rewarding yet challenging path of raising kids you genuinely enjoy being with: most of the time, anyway.

Raising Kids Tip#1:

Forget the “Perfect Parent” Myth and Embrace the Real You

Let’s start here because perfectionism is parenting’s worst enemy. It whispers things like:

• “You should never yell.”
• “You must always have it together.”
• “Good parents don’t need breaks.”

But the truth is your kids don’t need a perfect parent. They need a present, an authentic one. When you constantly strive for ideal parenting, you create a pressure cooker at home for yourself and your kids. Pressure breeds resentment, not connection.

Psych Insight: According to research by Dr. Brené Brown, perfectionism is rooted in fear. Fear of disconnection, failure, or not being enough. Modeling authenticity instead of perfection helps kids feel safe being their real selves.

Do you feel like a mess some days? Great. Own it. Apologize when needed, laugh at your mistakes, and show them how to be human. Ironically, this is how you become more likable to your kids and how they become more likable to you.

Raising Kids Tip#2:

Focus on Connection Before Correction

Imagine being corrected by someone you don’t feel connected to. It feels cold, maybe even threatening. Now, think about a coach or mentor you trusted correcting you. You might not like what they said, but you probably listened. The same applies to your kids when you lead with connection, correction sticks. Try this:

1. Eye contact before asking for a task
2. Gentle physical touch (like a hand on the shoulder)
3. Saying, “I see you’re upset. Let’s talk first.“

Psych Insight: Dr. Gordon Neufeld’s attachment theory research shows that discipline without connection leads to resistance, while discipline with connection leads to cooperation.

Instead of barking out orders from across the room, pause. Sit down beside them. Ask questions. Invite them into problem-solving. Not only will they respond better, but you’ll also start to enjoy them more because of mutual trust.

Raising Kids Tip#3:

Create Predictable Routines (Even If You’re Not Type A)

Check your rhythm if your house feels chaotic and you find yourself yelling more than you like. Kids thrive on structure, and so do grown-ups. Routines create a sense of calm, like the beat of a familiar song. Without them, life becomes a noisy freestyle battle that wears everyone down.

Think of routines like roadmaps. Without one, you and your kids drive around without a destination, wasting gas and getting irritable. But with a simple route, there’s peace in knowing what comes next. Flexible routines (e.g., bedtime between 7 and 8, with the same three steps) help children feel safe and reduce meltdowns.

Psych Insight: Studies show that routines lower cortisol (the stress hormone) in children, especially during transitions like school, meals, and bedtime.

And when stress goes down? You like each other more. Win-win!

Raising Kids Tip#4:

Set Boundaries That Build the Relationship

It feels counterintuitive, but the kids who are the hardest to like usually need the most precise boundaries, not stricter ones, but clearer ones. Boundaries aren’t walls to keep kids out. They’re fences to keep the relationship safe. You can use the following statements instead of yelling:

• “I won’t let you speak to me that way. Let’s try again.”
• “This is the choice: A or B. If you choose neither, I will choose for you.”

Psych Insight: According to Dr. Daniel Siegel’s work in The Whole-Brain Child, boundaries give kids a sense of control within limits, which reduces defiance and boosts emotional regulation.

Clear, consistent boundaries make parenting less exhausting and kids more enjoyable.

Raising Kids Tip#5:

Spend One-on-One Time Doing What THEY Love

This one might sound simple, but it’s powerful. Liking someone often grows through shared positive experiences, especially when those experiences are on their terms. You don’t have to go big. It’s about small windows of uninterrupted presence. Try:

• 10-minute LEGO time
• Letting them teach you something they’re into (even if it’s Minecraft… again)
• Going for a silly walk and letting them lead

Psych Insight: Harvard research on child development shows that short bursts of child-led play build emotional closeness faster than adult-led interactions. When you enter their world, you stop seeing them as a list of behaviors to manage and start seeing them as people you genuinely like.

Raising Kids Tip#6:

Learn Their Personality (Not Just Their Behavior)

A lot of parenting frustration comes from misunderstanding. We respond to behaviors without understanding the “why” behind them. Consider your child a puzzle box. Behaviors are just the outside. But when you open it, you realize their “annoying” traits might be tied to sensitive wiring, anxiety, or unmet needs. One kid might whine because they need physical affection. Another might lash out because they’re overwhelmed by noise. Understanding your child’s temperament, whether introverts or extroverts, sensory-seeking or avoidant, or fast or slow to warm, helps you meet them where they are.

Psych Insight: The Five Temperaments model (a modern take on Myers-Briggs for kids) shows that personality-informed parenting increases harmony at home and helps kids feel seen.

Raising Kids Tip#7:

Take Care of Yourself (Without Guilt)

Remember, you cannot like anyone when you’re running empty. Resting is not selfish… it’s survival. Whether it’s 10 minutes of silence, a long shower, a phone call with someone who “gets it,” or just setting down your phone and breathing deeply, take it. You can’t keep pouring juice from an empty carton. You’ll start shaking it and squeezing air, and nobody likes air juice.

Psych Insight: Parental burnout is real. Studies link it to increased resentment toward children. Rest isn’t a luxury. It’s a relationship preserver. When your nervous system is regulated, your reactions are kinder. And when you’re kinder, your kids are easier to like and more likely to mirror that energy right back.

Frequently Asked Questions

Is it normal not to like your kids sometimes?

Yes, it is normal. Parenting is emotionally intense, and liking someone 24/7 is unrealistic. The goal isn’t perfection but repair, rest, and reconnection.

How do I enjoy parenting more?

Focus on small daily moments of connection, build routines that lower stress, and care for yourself. Enjoyment comes from peace, not productivity.

What if my child is challenging?

Often, “difficult” kids are sensitive, spirited, or misunderstood. Learning their personality and triggers can reduce friction and increase your enjoyment.

How do I discipline without yelling?

Use clear boundaries, offer choices, and lead with connection. Calm, firm responses (paired with rest on your part) go much further than shouting.

Can therapy help me like my kids more?

Absolutely. Sometimes, unresolved issues from your childhood impact your parenting. Therapy can help unpack those dynamics in a healthy, healing way.

So, you’ve hung in there with me this far, which speaks volumes. It tells me that you’re deeply invested in your kids, which is the bedrock of being a fantastic parent. Some days, you’ll feel like you’re rocking this parenting thing, high-fiving yourself in the mirror. Other days? You might dream of escaping to the bathroom for a long time! Guess what? Both of those feelings are normal.

The good news is that by making a little bit of mindful effort, being willing to learn and see things from your child’s perspective, and being wholeheartedly kind towards yourself (because you deserve it!), you can create a home where love shines through and enjoying your kids’ company feels like the most natural thing in the world.

It won’t be perfect, and there will still be those challenging moments – that’s just life. But aiming for “most days” filled with connection and joy? That’s achievable, more than enough to make a world of difference. Voila! Until next time!